god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
