ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
