I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
