Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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