All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
