They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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