I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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