I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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