dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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