I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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