Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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