Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
