I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
