Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
