So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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