I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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