Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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