I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
