He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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