I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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