I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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