Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
