I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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