Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
