haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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