Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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