dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
