Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dignity is for republicans.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
