Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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