This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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