i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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