You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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