Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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