One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
