I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
