Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
