I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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