i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
