i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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