Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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