you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
