Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This toilet bowl is my home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
