remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
