hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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