I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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