I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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