No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Small penises have feelings too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
