I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
