Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize