if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
