Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
