Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
