Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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