Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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