Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
