you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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