The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
