and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want to make out with him forever
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
