You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
